Defining Love
by teamgai
Summary: In which Sakura has to deal with her feelings for Naruto and Sasuke. Set after the war but before Naruto is hokage. Sorry if I get the order of events wrong. Narusaku or Sasusaku depending on how you take it.


In the past, she would have accepted it blindly. In fact, she would have accepted it even if she knew it was a lie, a clever ruse to toy with her heart. She wasn't even sure she wanted this anymore… The life she had longed for for what felt like an eternity, she no longer thought of as even a possibility.

Sakura just couldn't accept that Sasuke Uchiha wanted to be with her.

The childish dreams of him proclaiming his undying love for her were long lost in her training and the war. Things had changed so much that she couldn't even remember why she had loved him in the first place. All she could remember is that she had loved him so deeply that she would have done anything he asked if it meant he would love her too.

 _But that's not love, is it?_

Sasuke had changed immensely from before he left them for Orochimaru. Somehow he was even less fun to be around, even more of a hard ass, and even more strong. But he was still Sasuke, and as mature as she was some part of her younger self told her she should not pass this up. She closed her eyes and smiled thinking about this morning.

 _"Sakura." She lifted her head from the paperwork she had been filling out for the hospital to see a familiar face sitting on the window sill._

 _"Sasuke? What are you doing here? Are you hu-" She was cut off by his abrupt presence in front of her._

 _"I'm sorry. For everything."_

 _She froze up. Even if she knew what to say she wouldn't have been able to get it out as she felt his cold lips press against the diamond on her forehead._

 _Just as soon as he appeared, he was gone, but she was faster now. She found him on the rooftop of one of the buildings near the hospital._

 _Sakura wasn't sure why she had even followed him. There was nothing she wanted to say. She just couldn't believe that it had happened. Sasuke closed his eyes, irritated that she had caught up with him, but inside he was glad. He was glad that he hadn't lost his chance with her. She was stronger now and she no longer annoyed him. She would make a good mother because she was intelligent to know what to do when he was gone, and not pitiful enough to mope over him. As far as he was concerned she was perfect._

 _"I'm leaving tomorrow morning. Come with me." He was gone in a flash. This time she didn't bother following him. She didn't need to hear anything else._

So she was sitting on her balcony pondering her future. She had no idea where Sasuke was going to take her, how long they would be gone, or what his intentions were. Her younger self was begging her to go on this adventure with him, but her older and more prominent self pulled her back to reality.

She knew she didn't love Sasuke, that she had probably never loved Sasuke. She knew he had changed, and probably not to be softer, kinder, more loving. She knew that there was something holding her here, something - someone- that she couldn't imagine leaving. Someone that she would give her life to protect, someone who knew her better than she even knew herself, someone that she wanted the best for even if it wasn't what he wanted.

 _Is that love?_

"Sa-ku-ra-chaaan…." She heard a sweet voice call. "Why the long face?" He smiled at her, his whiskers crinkling near his mouth.

"Na-ru-to-kuuuun…" She called, smiling back at the young man standing on one of the rails. "If you don't get down the wind might just blow you away" she blew in his direction to demonstrate. "Or do you have that much faith in your chakra control?"

Naruto jumped down and pointed at her, appearing to fake being offended, "I've trained hard Sakura! I think I can handle a little wind!" He stuck his tongue out at her.

She laughed at how childish he was being. It reminded her of better times, times when they all went on missions together, spent time together, were … together.

"But seriously Sakura, you've been sitting up here for about two hours now looking majorly depressed. What's on your mind?" He sat down next to her placing his hand on her arm.

She didn't know what she should say. On one hand she needed to talk about it with someone who knew Sasuke well, better than she did, but on the other hand she didn't want to talk about this with him since one of the factors influencing her were her feelings for him. They were feelings she wasn't quite sure of herself, and she wouldn't let herself get his hopes up only to tear him down.

She looked down in her lap hoping to think of something to tell him. Even if he knew she was lying he probably wouldn't question her further if he thought she was uncomfortable.

"Is it Sasuke?" He asked softly, leaning his head down towards hers, so that when she looked up in surprise her eyes were only a few inches from his. She felt his breath hitch and he pulled back quickly, retracting his arm and rubbing the back of his head. Sakura noticed how cute he looked with the slight trace of redness in his cheeks.

"He wants me to leave the village with him." She grabbed Naruto's wrists and brought them together in front of her face. "Naruto please tell me what to do!" She pleaded bowing her head into his hands. His skin felt so warm against hers, and even though the skin on his fingers was rough, she wanted to hold his hands there forever.

"Wow Sakura!" He said trying to sound happy, but she could hear the slight traces of disappointment in his voice. "That's really great you guys will have such a good time going on a journey together. It'll be better if you're with him, even though I'l- EVERYONE - will miss you, if you're there you can make sure he doesn't do anything rash and comes back in one piece!"

She looked up at him, slightly disappointed that he didn't tell her not to go. Maybe then she could have given Sasuke that as an excuse for why she didn't come, because Naruto needed her. But he didn't need her did he? She was just his friend and former teammate.

"But Naruto I… I don't know where we're going and … And … And…." By this point her hands were beginning to shake and loosen their grip on him. He fixed this by pulling them out of her grasp and grabbing her hands instead, bringing them to his mouth and kissing her knuckles, which were slightly bruised, something she decided she liked so didn't heal. She gasped but didn't pull away which surprised him.

"Sakura are you happy when you're with Sasuke?"

"I don't know. I'm hardly ever with him and when I am we barely speak. He's a completely different person than when we were kids. I feel like I know him less than ever, yet he wants me to run away with him into the unknown?!" She sounded mad now. That Sasuke would do this to her, playing with her emotions like this.

"He hasn't changed as much as you think. You have." He said rubbing her fingers. "You've been through so much. We all have." His eyes filled with a sadness she hadn't seen since they buried Neji. "And you're stronger and smarter somehow and you don't want to let anyone take advantage of you right?"

She looked at him wondering how it was that he knew her better than anyone and yet he couldn't see how…. how she really felt. "… Right?"

"But being with Sasuke has been your dream for forever! You should at least give it a chance. I don't want to see you give up on your dream so easily!" He gave her a smile and let go of one of her hands.

"But Naruto" she pointed accusingly, "wasn't being with me one of your dreams and now you're straight up telling me to be with someone else."

He laughed lightly before reclaiming her free hand. "At one point it may have seemed that way, but really my dream was always just to make you as happy as I could. If that meant letting you go, letting you be with him, I would do it in a heartbeat. That's why I want you to try. To make sure that no matter what you choose you're as happy as you possibly can be." His eyes were dangerously serious and it was strange for her to see this in him.

 _This is love._

All the pain that had been accumulating inside of her came out at once in tears. Tears. Something she hadn't felt in a long time. The last time she had cried was during the war, when she thought Naruto was….

"S-sakura!" Naruto was shocked but wasted no time wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close to him. She leaned further in and pushed her eyes into his chest allowing his shirt to soak up all of her tears.

 _I don't deserve him._

 _I have never._

 _Will never._

 _Deserve him._

She looked up at the boy holding her and in his gaze she was reminded of all the pain she had caused him. All of the full force punches. All of the slaps. All of the kicks. But most prominently she remembered the words. All the times she had called him annoying, stupid, gross. All the times she had told him he would never be as good as Sasuke. All the times she doubted his strength. She wasn't even worth him feeling inconvenienced, let alone his distress that was evident at her sobbing in his arms.

She stayed there crying in his arms all night long. It was a selfish act that she knew she would pay for dearly.

So she decided to give him a show of her love.

Carefully pulling herself out of his sleeping arms, she noticed the sun was just now rising. She was running out of time.

He looked so peaceful sleeping there that it was hard to imagine that this man was the strongest ninja she knew. The boy who had loved her and cared for her well being through all of her torment. The boy who was always there when she needed him no matter how small the matter. The boy who would sacrifice his own joy to make her feel the slightest bit happy. She pressed her lips to his cheek so lightly that there was no risk of waking him.

"I love you, Naruto. So please, find someone who deserves to love you. That's how you'll make me happy." She whispered lightly against his ear.

Before he could open his eyes she was gone, heading toward a path she knew so well. The path they all three walked to leave for their first real mission.

He placed his hand to his ear, and sighed. He stood up and locked the door to her balcony before jumping from rooftop to rooftop to get back to his apartment so he could prepare for his mission. He threw himself down on his bed, opening his eyes to his favorite picture. They were all so happy back then, even Sasuke, thought you would never be able to tell. His eyes fellon the pink haired girl in the middle.

"Somehow…hearing her say it hurt even more."


End file.
